A Love/Hate Relationship

   If there is a symbol of my dear wife's life in the months before she went "Home" it would be her ever-present wheelchair.

   She hated it at first, when I was forced to start using it to get her from one place to another. People on the outside would have to always see her in this as we took "walks" around in the condo complex.

   Slowly it became the one thing that she depended on in order to function in the world she was called to live in.

   It is empty now, and that is the way she wanted it.

   I showed this picture to a friend the other day and her comment was "Oh, how that hurts. I am so sorry that she went from "left seat" to a wheelchair. This being a reference to the seating of a pilot as she flies her plane.

   As Mayre Lou came to realize that her ability to get around depended so much on that 4 wheeled contraption, she used it with a more grudging attitude. She needed it to function, and so be it.

   Now it sits in the front room with no passenger. She spent many hours in that conveyance, and we spent many hours together using it. I don't miss seeing the chair, but I do miss her.

   As I walked this morning, in the early dark, a full moon was going down. It will be a new day soon, and it will be a day with an empty chair, but it will not be an empty day. Around very corner there is a memory, and she lives still here with me.

A Symbolic Father's Day

   Low tide at the beach this morning.

   Parking lot at Gould's Inlet empty of cars. Maybe it was too early on a Sunday morning for people to be roused from bed. After all there was still 45 minutes till the expected sunrise.

   The beach and sandbar were empty as far as I could tell.

   It was a perfect time for reflection, thinking and prayer...just the way it should be.

   Looking down as I walked along the edge of the ocean, that part that is usually covered by water, I spotted a partial sand dollar in the sand.

   Broken in half..

   A perfect symbol for a life looking for its missing piece.

   When I had arrived at the beach and gotten out of the car, a bench was waiting its first customers of the new day.

   Another symbol of life right in front of me. A great spot to watch the day begin, if only you had someone to watch it with you.

   My world has not gone away. The sun still comes up in the morning.

   Last night the clouds had obscured any sunset that we might have had. Sorta like I feel at times with my somewhat empty world.

   But this morning it was still there, in all of its color and glory.

 

The sun comes up

It's a new day dawning

And God is still in control.

Thank Goodness

God Giveth Gifts...And Gifts...And Gifts...

   Has it only been two weeks? Just fourteen long days?

   On May 24, 2018, my fun-loving, adventurous wife of 60 years, passed from this life to Heaven.

   Seven days later her birthday came up on the calendar, May 31, when she would have reached the age of 82, having been God's gift to me for most of that time.

   Seven days after that, June 7, another calendar event rolled in. It would have been our 60th wedding anniversary. A bittersweet day where the only thing I could do to signify this was to lift my hand up to heaven, to somehow, symbolically anyway, grasp her hand and thank God for that gift of love.

   If you take the 60 years that we were married, and add to that the 6 years that we dated before marriage, you realize that for 66 years out of her (and mine) life of 82 years, almost all of our lives we had been together. That is a unique gift, one not given many times in our generation.

   But she has passed from this earth.

   Her sorrows and trials have ended here.

   She is with her mother, her friends, her extended family, others that she had only read about, and all those that had chosen the gift that God had offered through His Son Jesus.

   But what about those of us who mourn her passing?

   Did her passing take all God's gifts away when she left?

   I am realizing that God is still in the gift-giving business.

   Her passing still brings tears to my eyes, even as I write these words weeks later.

   But other tears seem to mingle with those. Tears of gratitude, not only for the years that we had together,  but for how God has responded with other people who have tried, and succeeded in stepping into the void of my life.

   I just never knew how the gifts of friendship and love can ease the pain and give hope for the future. Yes, I knew that these gifts were available, but when you are the recipient, you just feel it more intimately.

   When people see you coming, they step out of what they were doing, and greet you with concern and love.

   When people are willing to spend time on a phone call to just listen and show their love through the sound of their voice.

   When people, God's gifts to me, have responded with the words, "I Know", there is a feeling of a future that still lies out there for me here on this earth.

   So when God sees fit to physically remove one of His Gifts from my earthly life, He seems to provide more. He sends Hope and Comfort in the form and words of others.

   It is too early for me to really see all the Gifts that God has and will put in my earthly path, but I have caught a glimpse these last few days.

   There is still a life to be lived for Him in whatever time I will be given. I get a sense of other Gifts that may lie out there, simply through the words and actions of others.

   I may feel bad at times now, but I have gratitude for God's unspeakable gifts that have accumulated in my life, and I look forward to those that He has planned for the rest of my life.

   Keep those calls, and texts, and love coming my way. They all show that God may not be through with me yet, and that there are more gifts waiting to be experienced.

   I am blessed, even in sadness.

   Thank you, Honey

   And I am pretty sure that God is still in the Gift Giving Business...

   Amen

Since Last I Wrote, The World Has Changed

   It is amazing how the world, and my view of it has changed since my last post. What a difference a few days make..

   On May 27, my wife took a drastic turn for the worst. She could not swallow, and therefore could not eat or drink. She was not hurting, but just did not want to do anything but sleep, which she did pretty much non-stop.

   The Hospice nurse had told me the Friday before that she felt like the end might come in two or three weeks, but when she came on Tuesday, she told me Mayre's pace of decline had quickened and , then on her next visit on Thursday, lowered her estimate to two days or maybe even two hours. In other words it was imminent.

   Thursday the 30th had dawned bright and clear. I woke up early and, for some reason, thought I should do some work on an obituary. So I went out on the back porch, in the cool and quiet, and did just that. Dwayne was coming that day, and I looked forward too his visit and company. It was to be a traumatic time for him also. 

   In the afternoon, neighbors began to come in to check, and our pastor came also. The Chaplain for the Hospice group paid a visit, and there were several people around. Mayre's breathing became labored, and she was given some meds to ease the restrictions in her respiration.

   Dwayne arrived around 5pm, not knowing the situation had gone down. We gathered around her bedside as the pastor prayed for her and, talking to her directly, gave her permission to go. We all agreed with this, and she began to settle down.

   Then began a steady decline with the pulse and heart rate and breathing. She was at peace and not struggling.

   The at 7:10 she eased on out, and began her new life in Heaven.

   It was a sad time for us, but a relief also, as she was at peace and could leave the struggles behind. We knew when she was, and were glad for her.

   We took the body to Chattanooga and had a visitation and burial for her on Wednesday the 30th. All the family was there, with the exception of one grandson who was out in San Francisco and just could not do it. Old friends came, and it was a sweet time of remembering her life.

   My special thanks go to our friends, Larry and Linda Williams, who let me stay with them while we arranged the details. Larry was our pastor at Ooltewah, and he led the burial service.

   My kids began to scatter, Dwayne and Karen and Sydney back to Charlotte, Donna, Noel, Archer and Cady Gray back to Conway, AR, and Doug, Dawn, Drew, Caroline, Lucy, Laken and David back to Blacksburg.

   Thursday was my wife's birthday, and, in celebration of this, I left, too. I was going to Blacksburg to be with Doug and family for a few days before braving the empty condo on St. Simons.

   Deciding to make a day of the trip, I took the longer route up Highway 58 before completing the trip on the Interstates up to VA. Thinking to spice up the trip somewhat, I decided to do a couple of Tennessee courthouses, one in Decatur and one in Kingston.

   Those stops were not the diversion I thought. I missed my traveling companion and fellow courthouse seeker. We had taken three years to complete the 159 courthouses in Georgia, and this was definitely not the same. The car was too quiet, and the courthouses not as exciting.

   Not as I sit here in Blacksburg and think back about the week that was, I am grateful for God's presence and direction in all that went on. 

   You all know that there was this storm, Alberto, moving toward and around us. We had rain on Sunday night, all day Monday, a lot on Tuesday and some on Wednesday morning. On the afternoon, he stayed away, and everything went off as planned.

   Thank You, God...

   As I look toward these coming days, I realize that another special day is upcoming. I plan to start going home on Tuesday, stop in Charlotte to spend the night with Dwayne and Karen, then drive on down to the Island on Wednesday. 

   Thursday will (or would have been) our 60th wedding anniversary. That could be a hard day, too.

   You could pray for our family also. They all bear the pain of separation. We have bonded together over this, and in that it has been good.

   God knows the path we will trod, and He has promised to go it with us.

   We know it will be hard at times, but it will have an end. There will be strength to go on even when we do not particularly want to. We will.

   As per usual, a couple of shots:

   

Doug, Donna and Dwayne

and

My Beautiful Wife

Praise for a Life Well Lived and a Tremendous Blessing to Others