Who Gives Me My Identity?

   It is easy for me to get caught up in the way other people perceive me and my role, especially in the church, but it can be anywhere. I know it is not right, but I often live in such a way that their (whoever "they" are) ideas of my status in any community will not be diminished.

   Let's take church for an example. I want to be seen doing the right things, with the right attitude, and the right countenance on my face, so that I might appear right in their eyes. I can easily fall into the habit of thinking that, since I do all of this, and do it in the right way, God will give me favor (and others will, too).

   Now this does not happen all the time for sure. I want to be in God's will and doing the things he wants and shows to me. I want to serve and show my pleasure in doing so. I just do not want to fall into the trap of putting all my stock in what others think of me because of all that.

   This came to my mind this morning as I sat in a church meeting where the pastor was explaining a new concept. As he talked about how it might work in our church, he made the comment that he would like for all the church leaders to participate in this. I had to think, "do I really want to do this?"" Would it be just for show?" "What would people think, and people would include the other leaders also, if I did not go along?"

   Then I read in Psalms 119:

   "Blessed are those who keep his testimonies,
who seek him with their whole heart,"

   And I think about what Jesus said about men who did things for show and how the people praised them; that would be their reward, just the praise of man and not of God.

   Then came the other reading, the Gospel one in Luke 9:

   "And he called the twelve together and gave them power and authority over all demons and to cure diseases, and he sent them out to proclaim the kingdom of God and to heal."

   And also in that same chapter:

   "And they departed and went through the villages, preaching the gospel and healing everywhere."

   Remember that Judas was also included in these twelve men. He heard the words of Jesus, he obeyed the call to go, he saw the miracles, but he still turned and betrayed. He was a part of all that had gone on, but something else got in the way of a full commitment. 

   I want my commitment to be complete, in line with what God shows me. I want to do it for all the right reasons, but I still struggle with the opinions of others.

God knows that I need His help, and so I will ask for it.

AGAIN