Envy or Effort

   There are times, not every day for sure, but times when I read a word in a Scripture reading and it just sticks with me, through the rest of the readings and through my walking period. I guess it is my word for the day, a word that God wants me to see myself in. Sometimes it is a "good" word, one that confirms for me that I am in the right place with the right attitude, but other times it is a convicting one, one that has a negative connotation for me, and one that I need to work on eradicating. 

   Maybe this word has not taken complete control of my life and thoughts, but there is the sense that it could. Better to confront the knowledge of it now, than to let it take more root.

   I read this in the first part of Psalm 37 this morning:

   "Fret not yourself because of evildoers;

    be not envious of wrongdoers!
    For they will soon fade like the grass
    and wither like the green herb."

   And the word that stuck with me as I walked was the word ENVY.

   On my initial reading of these verses I thought, "i'm not envious of people who do wrong, far from it. I don't want to go that way regardless."

   Then I thought, "do I covet what someone else has, or what they have a talent for, or for what their family situation is, or their health, or their position? Am I jealous of their perceived spiritual superiority?"

   Do thoughts such as these just display a sense of dissatisfaction with some part of my own life? Is it true that I would be happier, or better off, or more satisfied if I could transplant some of what some other person has, or I think he has, into my life and change my situation?

   I see a person with a smiling face, seemingly with everything that life has to offer in the way of good things, with position, with health, with a perfect family and I say to myself, "I wish I could be that guy".

   But then I think, "I do not know what his life is like when he shuts the door to his house, when he is alone with himself, or how his life really lays out. Do I know that I want that complete package? Am I willing to put in the time and effort that he has to reach those goals?"

   The opposite of envy is satisfaction, satisfaction as to what God has put in my life, people, things, abilities, situations, and I seem to operate somewhere between those two extremes.

   Is all envy necessarily bad? If it causes me to think about what I can do to put myself in a better position, it can be good. If I am just waiting for something to fall into my lap, without any effort on my part, it can to turn to full blown jealousy.

   God help me to see the difference and choose wisely.