Am I Really Supposed To Do That?

   Some may call it putting out a fleece, as in the story of Gideon in the Bible, where he bargained with God to get some sense of what he was supposed to do. One night Gideon put the fleece outside on the ground and the deal was that God was supposed to make the fleece wet from the dew and the ground around it would remain dry. Having administered that test, and its subsequent confirmation of God's will for him to go fight the Midianites, Gideon asked again for a sign, and this time it would be the same scenario, but with the outcome reversed. Sure enough, the fleece remained dry while the surrounding ground was wet with the dew. God had instructed Gideon on what He wanted the Israelite to do, but Gideon wanted to be sure of the bizarre orders.

   At times I feel God telling me something that I should do for Him, but I want to fall back on the "fleece idea" just to make sure I heard it right. Perhaps I heard it wrong and won't really have to do it.

   I have struggled with the idea that I need to work in the prison this coming September, the time for the semi-annual Kairos weekend at Ware State Prison. I don't really know why I question this call, because since the mid 1990s, I have gone on a bunch of these 3 day retreats and am blessed every time I do. But as I get somewhat older, not really old, just somewhat older, it seems to be harder to do it. I have the time and love to work with the men in the prison, but my selfish self calls me to the couch and golf course.

   One of the important activities for volunteers on this mission is team building, which involves a series of meetings in the months prior to the weekend in prison to put the team together on the same page. That way we go in united in purpose and effort. But these sessions are a half day to a full day, on  Saturdays, taking place maybe 30 to 60 miles away from home. It seems like a lot of trouble and I get in the habit of finding excuses not to attend many of these.

   So there was one scheduled for today. Should I go or just say I couldn't and beg off? First of all I did not have a schedule of meetings with times and places, then an email arrived the first of the week, giving me this data. Then the man that I usually ride with called on Friday night saying he could not go. I thought, maybe this is a sign that I did not need to either, so I decided to sleep on it and decide in the morning. All this time, I knew I should, and I understood the importance of the ministry, just not this Saturday.

   So, I went to bed without setting an alarm that would allow me time to get out the house by 7:30. I figured if I needed to go, God would wake me up---first fleece. I woke up at 6:20, OK, plenty of time to read my Scripture reading and see if any other fleeces showed up. Then this verse at the end of Psalm 90:

   "Affirm the work that we do!"

   Could this mean that I should go to this meeting and that God would tell me what I needed to do? Could I learn if my season with Kairos might be over, or that maybe I should take a sabbatical this time around, or just quit looking for ways out of the assignment, and go and serve? Was the option of going today a second fleece?

   So I went, mainly because I knew deep down what I was supposed to do, but then I found that the fleece was wet, or dry, whatever it was supposed to be. God said, I affirm the work you do for Me there, and I want you to keep on, till I make it plain that it is over. Quit looking for excuses to leave the work, just go.

   Surely I won't revert back to fleeces when the July meeting roll around...surely not.