Is It Really..?

   Perhaps it is a crutch, but the first item on my agenda, as I wake up in the morning to study, is to open the Examen website and select the part to read. Although this is different each day according to the way the site has been constructed, before the reading comes to the front, I am prompted to pray a simple prayer for guidance and for clarity in this time of listening to the Words of Scripture. Somehow, I find that the very act of writing out a prayer to God is the part that God really speaks in.

   Now I am not a prayer warrior, and most of the time when I sit in a prayer meeting, large or small, my mind has a great difficulty staying focused on the moment, but when I begin to write out my prayer thoughts, the focus is much easier. So, as I have done it, I find that my thoughts in prayer are more "real", they are more me and therefore more of my heart and less of "just what is done".

   Why do I think of all that this morning?

   Here is part of it from just a few minutes earlier, not for me to boast about, but to copy in humility, of what I feel down deep that God has allowed me to see.

   "God, when I realize that You are active in waking me up, that You want me to be here, I am truly thankful. I know that when I get up out of warm bed in a cold room, and when I am truly thankful to spend this quiet time, looking forward with anticipation, to the coming minutes, You are in it."

   Some could say, a simple coincidence, but I say it is an acknowledgment by God Himself, that this time is important, that He does care that I try to meet with Him and receive His Word.

   It is not that I make a great sacrifice to sit here when I could be sleeping, and I am not boastful about it, but this morning it just seemed to be the thing that I should write about and not hide.

   So I got up, opened the website, wrote out my prayer, feeling that it was really my heart's prayer at this moment, and then moved on to the Psalm reading. After reading Psalm 95 and 69, nothing really held my attention. Then I felt as if God prompted me to go back and read it all again. I would digress to say that most times I will read the Psalm passage, then if nothing strikes me, I will move on to the Gospel reading and if I still don't see anything, I will go on to the Moravian Text for this particular day. I know that if I stay at it long enough, I will see something that is meant for me that day.

   But not today, I go back and read through the Psalm verses, and I see this verse right away:

   "Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving;"

   It is as though God, first of all, wanted me to listen to the encouragement to go back and read again, and then to use this verse as an impetus to share my heart.

   When the last thing that I think about at night is (maybe it is a prayer) that I need to get up by 6 in order to have adequate time to pray, read, meditate and write, and I wake up at that time, glad to get up and truly looking to see what God wants me to see, I am amazed and thankful at the same time.

   It is not for me just to sit here and brag that God is telling me something, that He considers this time important also, but that I felt He was asking me to share the experience, in humility, I pray.

   In sharing all of this, I want to pray now that God would give me the strength to live out the realization of it all in the rest of this day, and in the days out in front of me. He has been in these few moments, and that does not have to cease when I get up to have breakfast.

   This all happened this morning and it is real, Really.