Family Time-An Undercurrent of Feelings

 
( I wrote these words back on 8/4 when Dwayne and Karen and Donna, Noel, Archer and Cady Gray were here with us on our Island. I did not think it was appropriate to publish it then, but now, for some reason, it seems like the right time. The feelings are like "an elephant in the room". They loom over everything that goes on in this home. The background becomes the focal point. We celebrate the good times, the ones we were used to all along, but there is that feeling of sadness, also, that sense of a loss, one that we want to make right, but can't seem to.)


   Don't get me wrong, whenever our family gets together we laugh and play and have a good time together.

   These past few days were not exception...

   We used the pool which made the heat more bearable..

   We used the beach time well at the end of the day when the people were gone, and the hot sun was low in the western sky..

   Competition at the game table was a notable feature, as the laughter of game playing continued to ring through the condo..

   But there was an undercurrent of sadness that we all felt, even as we tried to hide it from ourselves.

   The one lady who loved to be with her family, who loved the games, the cooking for others, the chance to share with her kids and grand kids, just was not able to do those things. Though she tried to be upbeat, you could see her frustration and sadness.

   I woke up one morning early to a vision of the family sitting around the table, laughing at some incident in a new card game, with a figure sitting quietly in the background, taking it all in, but not feeling comfortable enough to participate.

   The next day, I tried to recreate, in a photograph, what I had seen in my mind and, even though it turned out all grainy, the essence of the shot was evident.

   The quality of the shot was sad, but it only represented that feeling that I had experienced. I was sad for all of us who missed the vitality that we remembered.

   We had a good time together, but we missed what we used to have.

   I have hesitated for a couple of days to actually hit the Publish button. Should I or shouldn't I? The feelings are powerful, and they hurt, but they are real.

   I often feel inadequate for the task, and I know that God knows that.

   My prayer this morning and every morning is "Help"